Honestly I thought this place would be way sleazier, I’m sad to say I was actually a bit disappointed. I think my friends had just built up this image of the Number Five in my mind and I had expectations that went unfulfilled.  For example:

The floors were not sticky. I’ve been to a few strip clubs in Surrey and New West where you actually thought people had jerked off on the floor because your shoes just kept sticking to the floor, this was not the case at the Number 5.

Trashy dancers. All of the ladies I saw dance were in really good shape and had super fake tits that didn’t even move. I guess when I was told about how sleazy this place was, and that Courtney Love had danced there I was expecting crack whores or punk rock chicks who were still working to pay for some new boobs. (Has anybody been to the Clermont in Atlanta? You know what I’m talkin’ bout!) This was not the case.

Expensive drinks. I paid like $12 for a double rum and diet, that is probably the most expensive double highball I have ever had. If this place was trashy, then we would be getting trashed right? Not unless you can afford $10 cover plus $50+ for drinks.

However…. they have a kitchen. Last night’s special was ribs…. let me ask you this: who shows up to a strip club to have a pound of greasy ribs and eats them in the gyno row while some broad is spreading her legs in front of you? I don’t know about you, but when I see those beef curtains wagging in my face I sure get hungry for ribs. I didn’t see anyone eating while I was there, so I wonder how often the kitchen actually gets food orders? How long have those ribs been sitting there? Is the sauce all dried up on those suckers?

Overall the No. 5 is probably Vancouver’s answer to a seedy strip club, but I guess I just had lower expectations.

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