As many of you know, I have started filming my own fetish videos, which has been a natural progression for me since I have been in the fetish community for quite some time. I started as an attendee at local fetish events in my neighbourhood, and was recruited as a door/coat check girl at Sin City Fetish Night in Vancouver B.C. From there I learned how to DJ and had the chance to get back into playing at the parties (in more ways than one), as opposed to being stuck behind the coat check and watching all the fun around me. Not that I didn’t have fun working the coat check, as I always enjoy sassing customers, but being out of the booth has provided me the opportunity to chat more with attendees and spend a bit more time in the dungeon.
My knowledge of the fetish scene and adult video scene is growing every day, and I am learning new things all the time. The internet has become a magical resource for me to discover all of these new fetishes I didn’t even know existed. Instead of laying silent amongst friends who make jokes referring to sexual activities such as the “dirty sanchez” or “rusty trombone”, I now have the power in my little hand to do a quick google search on my iPhone to find results on what these catch phrases mean. Of course, these are just examples of activities that many people joke about and have heard of, there are many other catchphrases you may not be as familiar with, and like many different languages and cultures, different things take on different meanings depending on where you use them. For example, pi can mean 3.1415926… or it can also mean pie, as in that sweet tasty dessert you enjoy after dinner. You’re probably wondering where am I going with this? I would like to tell you about when I learned what a creampie is. I regret to tell you, it’s not going to be the juicy story you are hoping for, but I promise it will be entertaining.
Perhaps I haven’t spent enough time watching straight porn and I am definitely not well-versed in the language or code they speak in adult movies. I admit, I like to watch fetish videos and lesbian play videos, but I find two straight people fucking kind of boring. I also find videos of women wrestling in lube, mud, and jello pretty hot, so naturally I wanted to make a video like that to sell in my clips4sale store. I did a video of me in my catsuit rubbing lube on myself because I think that is sexy, and it makes me feel sexy, and personally I do own some heavy rubber videos of ladies massaging themselves in latex and it makes me tingly to watch them so I hoped I could make other people feel tingly too. I also made a video of myself in the shower in my latex catsuit, with water splashing all over myself. In this shower video, I decided to be a bit more risqué and peeled off part of my catsuit to expose some of my body. I personally thought it was one of my sexiest videos, however it didn’t sell well at all, but at the time I was just a beginner, so looking back now, I can see where it could have been better. Plus, I can understand that not everyone has a fetish for latex-clad ladies in the shower (where my peeps at?!)
From there, I decided I was ready to bare it all. The pinup girl in me wanted to have her pie and eat it too. When I have time, I do love to bake cookies, tarts, and sweet things to give to people because I love making people happy, so why not do a video of me with a pie?! (I had considered a cake first but I thought pie would work better because it’s creamier). I’ll admit, I didn’t bake my own pie for this video, I went to the store and bought a lemon meringue pie and added lots of extra whip cream, because cream looks like jizz and people want to see creamy jizz all over a girl’s ass, right? I emptied a whole extra can of whip cream on that pie to make sure it was the creamiest, messiest pie that would ever touch my bare ass. I’d also like to point out that when you do a pie sitting video, you have one shot at sitting on the pie before its ruined, so filming it by yourself is a lot harder than having someone else film it for you. But who do you ask to film you sitting on a pie? “Hey, are you free this Saturday? I need you to help light my ass for this video where I am buck naked and I sit on a pie. Do you think you’ll be able to help pick all the pie chunks out of my bathtub when I am finished too? I’d hate for the drain to get clogged.” This is my glamorous life now.
I laid down a sheet of plastic so I didn’t make a mess in my house and I filmed the video where I sat on a pie, and then massaged the pie all over my naked body and licked my fingers covered with whip cream and told the viewers just how much I love pie. The plastic sheet got sticky and clung to my body and moved with me as I gyrated around on my knees covered in gooey pie. There was only one question at the end of the video, how was I going to get myself clean? Was someone going to lick this pie off my body, or was someone going to help me scrub this mess off my filthy body? And how was I going to get myself to the bathroom to clean this mess off when I finished filming … probably should have made a plan for that.
I edited the video and decided a good name for it would be “Evilyn13 Loves Pie” because the still photo I was going to use as promo for the video was me holding the delicious creamy pie. I logged onto my clips4sale store and uploaded the video to the creampie section, using sub-categories “food masturbation”, “wet and messy” and “object and food crush” assuming that girls rubbing food on them or sticking random vegetables in their twats was probably pretty normal for this category of film. I never bothered to actually check to see what other videos were listed in the creampie category, I figured there must be a huge fetish for pie-sitting since it has its own category. I was overjoyed to see it get so many downloads! I wasn’t sure if people were just really excited to finally see me naked, or if there was just a huge demand for girls sitting on pies and rubbing it all over their body. I shared the excitement of my success (or so I thought) with a friend, who laughed. He suggested I do a quick Google search of “creampie” or perhaps take a look at Urban Dictionary (which is a wonderful resource for things of this nature).
I was horrified.
My beautiful innocent sexy video was supposed to be a video about a cum dumpster. Urban Dictionary defines a “creampie” as “an internal cum shot; Act of ejaculating inside pussy or asshole. Also the moment after ejaculation, when the cum drips out.” I would like to point out that nowhere in this definition is there any mention of actual pie. I was devastated. Was there no fetish for people who just wanted to watch a cute little pinup girl sit on a pie? Was there a specific name for my pie-sitting fetish that I just never heard of, because I feel like creampie would be the most obvious name if we were picking one. Why aren’t people calling this ejaculation move “jelly donuts”, “Cadbury cream eggs”, or telling their friends they are going to show that girl the “Caramilk secret”. How am I going to look my parents in the eye when they ask me if I want pie for dessert? “What do you mean, you don’t want pie for dessert? You always have pie after dinner. Sometimes you even have a second helping!” My life just got so much more awkward. Why did they have to ruin pie? I can never eat pie again! My only choice now is to waste pie by sitting on it.
I immediately rushed home and changed my clip category to “food masturbation”. The video still sold, and I was pleasantly surprised that no one who purchased the video wrote in to me disappointed that they didn’t get to see me in the gyno row getting my pussy filled with jizz. I do think based on my picture and caption, it was pretty clear what you were purchasing in my store, and I hope that people who may have been confused were pleasantly surprised and maybe excited to discover a possible new fetish they never knew they had. What did I learn from this assumption? Always research the category you are about to market to before blowing your load online. To reference Twin Peaks: I’ve got a cherry pie that’ll kill ya!
* To see the video go here: http://clips4sale.com/109898/17105880